


if happy ever after did exist, i would still be holding you like this

by notthebigspoon



Series: Amaryllis [32]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-18
Updated: 2012-08-18
Packaged: 2017-11-12 09:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You need to sleep mijo.”</p><p>    ”Can’t.”</p><p>    ”Not without Ryan?”</p><p>    ”Does that matter? He’s never coming home.”</p><p>Title taken from Payphone by Maroon5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if happy ever after did exist, i would still be holding you like this

"You need to sleep mijo." 

"Can't." 

"Not without Ryan?" 

"Does that matter? He's never coming home." 

Melky has spent the last two nights sleeping in Melianny's nursery, in the overstuffed recliner that Ryan had gotten him as a present. It's comfortable and Ryan had spent a lot of time in it himself, it bears the lingering odor of his cologne and shampoo. Between that, and his daughter sleeping in his arms, this is as close to comfortable as Melky thinks he's going to get for a while.

He ignores his mother when she moves closer, doesn't acknowledge her until her hand smooths over his hair and when he looks up at her, he knows that he has tears in his eyes. He swallows hard, shaking his head and looking back at Melianny, hugging her gently and kissing her hair. At least he still has this.

“He loves you.”

“I don't think so. He doesn't hate me, he said he doesn't but... he said he's not coming home. He doesn't want me anymore.” Melky mumbles and his voice cracks. He's done such a good job, he thinks, of hiding it all, keeping any emotion from his mother but it's getting to be too much. “I messed up. My God, I know that I did. I knew it was stupid and I did it anyways and I'll lose a lot and... I don't want to lose him.”

“Darling, you lied to him. About a lot of things that were very important. He is going to be very hurt for a long time and he has a right to that anger. You need to give him time. Do not give up on him so easily, because I know he will not give up on you.”

“Yeah? How do you know that?”

“Because I see a lot of things that you do not, young man, and I could see Wednesday night how much he still loves you. Don't argue with your mother.” She states firmly, poking his shoulder before leaning down and taking Melianny. “Now, to bed with both of you. You need rest for your workout. Your suspension is no excuse to be lazy, Melky Astacio.”

As usual, his mother's no nonsense attitude is a comfort and he doesn't argue with her. He kisses her cheek and kisses Melianny and shuffles down the hall to their... his bedroom. He hasn't gone into it since he watched Ryan ride off Wednesday night and he'd slipped out the backdoor Thursday when he'd seen Blanco and Cain show up to fetch Ryan's things. He doesn't know what it looks like now and as he pushes open the door, he shoves down the dread and takes a deep breath.

Its not so very different. It's only that things are missing. Ryan's possessions, bits and pieces of his personality that had been scattered everywhere because he just could not pick up after himself, wiped from the room like you would wipe chalk from a slate. Half of the closet is empty and when he opens the drawers, yes some of those as well. One thing that he fears desperately, is unfounded. The picture of them taken on Ryan's birthday, Ryan's arms around his shoulders and their cheeks pressed together, is still sitting on the end table.

Melky gets ready for bed, finding himself missing the idle chit chat with Ryan while he does so. He crawls into bed and stares at the picture, reaching for his phone and wondering if Ryan would answer if he called. His heart skips a beat when he sees a voicemail from his boyfriend and he presses the play button without a second thought.

_“I don't hate you. I couldn't if I tried. And I'm sorry this happened the way it did too. I'm sorry it happened at all.”_

He drops the phone and stares at the picture on the table before pushing his face into his pillow. For the first time since this whole mess started, he cries, deep wracking sobs that make his head hurt and his body shake. By the time he finally can make himself stop, he's exhausted. The only thing he thinks as he finally fall asleep is that this isn't over, this won't be the end. He won't let it be.


End file.
